Do you ever feel like your on a hamster wheel? These days that is exactly how I feel every day. all day. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, its life…life with three small kids with the additive of trying to move to another country. I used to be a rockstar at balancing everything, I was able to get ready every day (these days I live in yoga gear and a pony tail) I cooked, cleaned and I worked full-time (still not sure how I pulled that one off) I spent time with kids, husband, family and friends. I did not however spend time with God, so on the outside I may have had it all together on the inside I was not together, I was a mess. I was aware of this fact and devoted my left over time to quick prayers and maybe a bible verse here and there.
I made excuses telling myself “God gets it, He clearly sees how busy I am” He for some reason allowed this ridiculous behavior of mine go on for quite some time, it wasnt until my niece was born that I truly understood what a mess I had made with our relationship. My sweet niece Stella was born with a heart condition her story is such an amazing testament to God’s power and the power of prayer. (click here to read) I still remember getting the phone call, the hours afterwards waiting for answers, waiting in the hospital to visit her, finding out she needed surgery. I was frozen I tried to pray but couldn’t I felt very far from God when I very much need Him. It was a horrible feeling, I spent the next few days silent, trying to connect but unable. I wanted to pray for Stella, but I needed to bridge the huge gap that I had caused between us. Over the next few weeks I prayed more than I think I have ever in my entire life, first prayers of restoration for our relationship, and then prayers for Stella. I havent told my sister-in-law this but Stella did for me what she did for so many others she brought me back to what matters, a constant, growing, intimate relationship with God, and for that and a thousand other reasons she is such a special part of our lives.
I am telling this part of our story because it was in the CVICU standing outside of Stella’s room that I was finally listening to God’s plan again. Scott received a phone call from OM, and after an hour or so came back and said we need to pray about serving in Africa. In that moment I felt the gentle nudge from God telling me this was His plan. I remember standing in the hall thinking “no way, Africa is to far, to scary to different” But God calmed my fears, changed my heart. And so now a little over a year later, Stella’s heart is doing FANTASTIC and my heart is back where it belongs… with God. I still run like a mad woman on the hamster wheel, but I do it with Him. I am grateful for my sweet little niece who reminded me of the important things in this life, and for a God who loves and forgives and welcomes me back even when I foolishly act too busy for Him.
1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.